Changes.

Hello!! 

My sincere apologies to the readers of this blog; it seemed I've disappeared right from the face of this earth after my study stint in Bangkok for my Le Cordon Bleu diploma...but I assured you guys, that's not the case!

When your journey at one point of time ends, you'll be hustled along by Life to proceed on another journey in no time at all - and that's how Life informs you, that time, waits for no one indeed! 

Ever since I've got back home after Graduation, I took a short 3 weeks break, before jumping right into job hunting and eventually decided to start working at Paul's, as a Pastry Commis in their main kitchen. The hours was long, the pay was reasonable, the work was more on production, I had so much fun with my colleagues pushing ourselves to the best of our limits to complete orders before the delivery period and at the same, challenge ourselves to ensure great standards and I, take great pride in my work. 

Lemon Meringue Tarts - I've learned to pipe meringues and completed the assembly for 47 tarts under 20 minutes!

Chocolate eclairs with shiny, even chocolate glazed by yours truly! One of the few things I've done at Paul.

But alas, after two short months, I decided to move on because of the conflicting schedule.

The working hours was taking a toil on me; I was working at what was commonly known as; the graveyard shift - working from midnight to about 10am in the morning. Though the off days was good; 2 days off while we worked for only 5 days/week, I found myself just completely drained of energy. Basically, I wake up straight and head to work straight, with no appetite for dinner...worked till 6am in the morning before we have our first break (and have lunch/breakfast, whatever you want to call it), and then after work, head back home to catch up on sleep.

I wasn't able to tell for myself, but my hubby was upset that I looked haggard and like, a walking zombie.

After a while, the internal office decided to change the timing to 4am in the morning; and that's when I realised...I'm a married woman with other responsibilities. With that new time change, I won't be able to see my hubby at all, or any one else, for that matter, because by the time I have finished work, every one else is still working and by the time they are free for dinner, I have to sleep. I did gave the odd hours a try, but I ended disrupting my hubby's sleep time when I have to wake up in the morning at 3am just to prepare for work at 4.

It just wasn't working for me. I had to go...I'm already so burnt out by the first timing, and I just can't take the second timing.

It hurts me to move on so fast from my first workplace because it was like a dent into my dream of carving out a career. However, I felt like I bit off more than I could chew; I should have started small somewhere else, before jumping onto the big time scaled production and at such odd timings too. It's little wonder that my body had a hard time adjusting to the reversal of day and night.

Nontheless, I've learned so much from the short two months under the guidance of Chef Franck and my colleagues who grew together with me - things that school alone isn't enough, and I will remember these experiences well at heart and bring it forward to the next place I will set foot at.

To clear my head and for a short vacay, Ben made plans for us to visit our sister-in-law and her kids in Perth, Western Australia. He also made bookings for us to go on a two day one night road trip to Dunsborough for a resort stay at Pullmans Bunker Bay Resort and Hotel.

We had so much fun just taking in the fresh air and spent some quality time together away from the bustling city life, but the break was just a short getaway after all, and we were soon back at home again - this time, with me starting a new job at a quaint cosy pastry shop while Ben scoots off to start his two week long reservist duty.

And that's what brings me here - typing this ultra long post in real time, after a good 4 months or so.

When I first went to school, my learning objective was to fully immersed myself in the world of French Pastries; understanding the basics, picking up the skills of making a good batter; folding it right, incoporating ingredients right, respecting the ingredients etc, to assembling the entremet and finally, decorating the entremet. It was all so delicate, so beautiful, so pristine.

I remembered that I wanted to document my journey, to one day be able to churn out beautiful cakes like those I've seen from the Internet, books and so much more. 

Until today, I've come to realise that, my objective has not changed one bit, but the choices I've made - will it lead me to where I eventually want to be?

Yea. Decided it was a right moment to slot this picture taken by Ben when I was just really gazing out into the Indian Ocean; a picture to depict this very moment I am feeling; lost, vast and yet strangely at ease.

Till date, I'm stuck in a situation whereby I dread going to work because despite doing what I like to do, it is not all roses and sweets - it takes two hands to clap; the environment must suits you, and you are able to work efficiently and adapt well to it AND the team must be right. I feel bad and ashamed for realizing it real fast; for giving up so fast, but I know clearly what I want, and I think that's the only way to just keep growing and going. Until you find a place you know will challenge you in a good way and you grow in a good way too. I felt bad, I felt confused and lost - but yet, by admitting to a certain extent on what I need, what I want - and that I want to be happy...I'm just being honest and real to myself.

What I am saying is, it's okay to feel this way. It's the same, when you have just graduated from school and looking for a first job; you don't have to be hard on yourself for moving on so quickly because it's a life time commitment; you will have to spend the next few years working anyway, so choose wisely and make those next few years of hard work count and amounts to something fulfilling.

You may not be a good fit for this company, you may just be a great fit for the next. So long as you don't stop and refuse to move on.

With that, I guess it's time that I stop feeling bad and guilty and get back on track, working towards what I want. Thank you for being here with me, reading this space. I will be back soon with some exciting news, I hope! :)

Pardon the awkward pose! Wasn't sure if Ben was taking a picture of me or the view, haha!

Cheers!