Changes.

Hello!! 

My sincere apologies to the readers of this blog; it seemed I've disappeared right from the face of this earth after my study stint in Bangkok for my Le Cordon Bleu diploma...but I assured you guys, that's not the case!

When your journey at one point of time ends, you'll be hustled along by Life to proceed on another journey in no time at all - and that's how Life informs you, that time, waits for no one indeed! 

Ever since I've got back home after Graduation, I took a short 3 weeks break, before jumping right into job hunting and eventually decided to start working at Paul's, as a Pastry Commis in their main kitchen. The hours was long, the pay was reasonable, the work was more on production, I had so much fun with my colleagues pushing ourselves to the best of our limits to complete orders before the delivery period and at the same, challenge ourselves to ensure great standards and I, take great pride in my work. 

Lemon Meringue Tarts - I've learned to pipe meringues and completed the assembly for 47 tarts under 20 minutes!

Chocolate eclairs with shiny, even chocolate glazed by yours truly! One of the few things I've done at Paul.

But alas, after two short months, I decided to move on because of the conflicting schedule.

The working hours was taking a toil on me; I was working at what was commonly known as; the graveyard shift - working from midnight to about 10am in the morning. Though the off days was good; 2 days off while we worked for only 5 days/week, I found myself just completely drained of energy. Basically, I wake up straight and head to work straight, with no appetite for dinner...worked till 6am in the morning before we have our first break (and have lunch/breakfast, whatever you want to call it), and then after work, head back home to catch up on sleep.

I wasn't able to tell for myself, but my hubby was upset that I looked haggard and like, a walking zombie.

After a while, the internal office decided to change the timing to 4am in the morning; and that's when I realised...I'm a married woman with other responsibilities. With that new time change, I won't be able to see my hubby at all, or any one else, for that matter, because by the time I have finished work, every one else is still working and by the time they are free for dinner, I have to sleep. I did gave the odd hours a try, but I ended disrupting my hubby's sleep time when I have to wake up in the morning at 3am just to prepare for work at 4.

It just wasn't working for me. I had to go...I'm already so burnt out by the first timing, and I just can't take the second timing.

It hurts me to move on so fast from my first workplace because it was like a dent into my dream of carving out a career. However, I felt like I bit off more than I could chew; I should have started small somewhere else, before jumping onto the big time scaled production and at such odd timings too. It's little wonder that my body had a hard time adjusting to the reversal of day and night.

Nontheless, I've learned so much from the short two months under the guidance of Chef Franck and my colleagues who grew together with me - things that school alone isn't enough, and I will remember these experiences well at heart and bring it forward to the next place I will set foot at.

To clear my head and for a short vacay, Ben made plans for us to visit our sister-in-law and her kids in Perth, Western Australia. He also made bookings for us to go on a two day one night road trip to Dunsborough for a resort stay at Pullmans Bunker Bay Resort and Hotel.

We had so much fun just taking in the fresh air and spent some quality time together away from the bustling city life, but the break was just a short getaway after all, and we were soon back at home again - this time, with me starting a new job at a quaint cosy pastry shop while Ben scoots off to start his two week long reservist duty.

And that's what brings me here - typing this ultra long post in real time, after a good 4 months or so.

When I first went to school, my learning objective was to fully immersed myself in the world of French Pastries; understanding the basics, picking up the skills of making a good batter; folding it right, incoporating ingredients right, respecting the ingredients etc, to assembling the entremet and finally, decorating the entremet. It was all so delicate, so beautiful, so pristine.

I remembered that I wanted to document my journey, to one day be able to churn out beautiful cakes like those I've seen from the Internet, books and so much more. 

Until today, I've come to realise that, my objective has not changed one bit, but the choices I've made - will it lead me to where I eventually want to be?

Yea. Decided it was a right moment to slot this picture taken by Ben when I was just really gazing out into the Indian Ocean; a picture to depict this very moment I am feeling; lost, vast and yet strangely at ease.

Till date, I'm stuck in a situation whereby I dread going to work because despite doing what I like to do, it is not all roses and sweets - it takes two hands to clap; the environment must suits you, and you are able to work efficiently and adapt well to it AND the team must be right. I feel bad and ashamed for realizing it real fast; for giving up so fast, but I know clearly what I want, and I think that's the only way to just keep growing and going. Until you find a place you know will challenge you in a good way and you grow in a good way too. I felt bad, I felt confused and lost - but yet, by admitting to a certain extent on what I need, what I want - and that I want to be happy...I'm just being honest and real to myself.

What I am saying is, it's okay to feel this way. It's the same, when you have just graduated from school and looking for a first job; you don't have to be hard on yourself for moving on so quickly because it's a life time commitment; you will have to spend the next few years working anyway, so choose wisely and make those next few years of hard work count and amounts to something fulfilling.

You may not be a good fit for this company, you may just be a great fit for the next. So long as you don't stop and refuse to move on.

With that, I guess it's time that I stop feeling bad and guilty and get back on track, working towards what I want. Thank you for being here with me, reading this space. I will be back soon with some exciting news, I hope! :)

Pardon the awkward pose! Wasn't sure if Ben was taking a picture of me or the view, haha!

Cheers! 

A letter to my Marshall.

*Warning: Contents ahead is extremely mushy. Read at your own caution.*

"Hey baby!".

That's how we've been calling each other since the day we started dating. There's never once that we don't answer our calls to each other in that high pitch, cheery tone, calling out "Hey baby!".

We've been teased, one too many times by friends - but hey, that's just how we are, isn't it?

In the eyes of our close friends, we are "Marshall & Lily" - I couldn't agree more! 

I remembered dragging you out for a meal to celebrate your birthday for you on this day, 7 years ago, because I didn't want to see you all alone, doing nothing special on your birthday. You were alone, with no close friends to help celebrate for you, like how I've my clique.

I saw it as a way of helping you out, doing something special for you, because I didn't want to see you unhappy.

7 years on, I know that I never ever want to see you unhappy.

You once told me that your ex girlfriend hated your "cry-face" look. She only get that look from you, because she didn't know how to make you happy. It's a shame she didn't get to see how charming that smile is on your face, the way your eyes light up with mischief when you have a confession to make regarding that new PS3 game you've bought.

Or that happy, chuckle you make when something is humorous and tickles your funny bone.

I'm lucky I get to see, hear, and feel all that about you. I must have done something really good in my past life to have you.

You are a beautiful man, with a beautiful soul and the most beautiful heart. 

Everyday is a honeymoon period for the both of us, because we don't take each other for granted. I'm glad we're on the same page for this one. And on the same page for the names of our future children, and on the same page for the outlook plan for our house (but we'll get to that part later, I'm not sure of that gaming room)...

Baby, nothing makes me more prouder than seeing you shine in your own element. Seeing you work through late nights and sleeping for little than 5 hours at times, makes my heart ache. However, seeing that you enjoy your work, the satisfaction you get from the knowledge that you're working hard for our future, and knowing that you enjoy what you do...that's enough for me agree, and for me to give you my full support in things that you want to do.

I love you with all my heart, I love everything about you. I even love the way you jerk in your sleep sometimes, half awake and murmur "yes baby?", kiss my forehead and fall back asleep...snoring.

As if I was the one who was jerking and needed your attention. *smirks*

All the little things about you, I love.

So baby, don't change. Stay the way you are, maybe slightly more hunkier with more abs *ahhem*, but just stay the way you are, basking and growing in happiness, in what life has to offer, in what we have in store for our future.

I wish for you to be happy, always. I pray, in fact, for you to always be happy, smiling...healthy. For you to find satisfaction in the things you do, rewards in the decisions you make.

I trust each and every day that all I do, all that I have to offer, is enough for you.

Love,
Your "Lilypad".

Au revoir, Intermediate!

WARNING: LONG & LENGTHY POST

Man, I'm tired.

I reached home at about 11pm, Bangkok's time, and that is pretty late by my own standards! I was out with my friends at a nice restaurant/live band place near school, called "Seasonings" having dinner, drinks and a great time!

I'll update the photos taken at that place once I receive them from my friends, meanwhile, allow me to go through the events for a really hectic yesterday afternoon.

First up! My practical exam for the Intermediate Level! 

As you all know by now, the exam cake is purely by luck. You get to participate in a lucky draw, in which the coloured chips indicate which cakes out of 3-4 narrowed choice you'll get to do on that day. Each class's choices is different, and you won't have the same repeated cakes.

I found myself extremely lucky that day, picking a blue chip a.k.a Croquant Gianduja as my  exam piece. Mew was equally lucky to be doing this cake together with me as well!

In fact, there was 5 of us who will be attempting to do this cake, while the rest got either Plaisir or Passionata.

I remembered thinking to myself when I first did this cake, that it would be nice to do this cake again for the exam so that I get to eat another round of the Irish Cream filing, but yet at the same time, I sang "There will be no next time!" to Mew when it suddenly occurred to me that there was quite a few number of components involved.

The Chocolate flour less biscuit, the feuilletine base, the Irish Cream, the Gianduja Cream, the streusel and finally, the dark chocolate glaze. It started off really alright, we were all weighing the ingredients required for the first item, and subsequently, the 5 of us was always at the same station at about the same time taking the same ingredients to do the next component. I found myself being the last at everything. I was the last to put my cake into the blast freezer to freeze, to bake, to chill etc.

To top it off, my bowls from the station was slightly different from the usual bowls. I have a few too small bowls that can't be used for beating or whisking, and the big bowls are way too large to blanchir just 40g of egg yolks with sugar. Thank goodness my neighbour, Top helped me so much, I'm eternally grateful to him for life.

He allowed me to use his bowls which he didn't have any use for it, and also allowed me to use his pots and bain marie for my own needs. He even help me prepare sieve and bowl for my glaze after he was done with his cake and have already presented his work.

I saved valuable time with his help, which at that point of time, I was pretty much 15 minutes late for presentation. This cake is super duper busy. Even back when we had it just for practical, it was already busy, let alone we still have to do everything now, on our own.

At one point though, I've got to admit, I nearly breakdown because I was already late, and yet, I still have two ingredients not scaled yet for my glaze. At that very moment, my mind just went blank, stunned for a few seconds. All I can see was the boxes of different variety of chocolates, big bowls of egg whites and yolks, butter in the bucket, weighing scales, and then I was clutching on my bowl, but my hands just won't move to collect the things I need.

Even Top, my classmate could see that my hand was shaking when I was transferring the cake over to the cardboard. That was a first - I'm not exactly known for having shaky hands. 

But boy, I'm glad it was all over. I pretty much remembered on every single technique required for the cake, and hence for my technique scores, I had better scores as compared to my basic term. In fact, I was so much better than in Basic Term. =) Overall, I'm pretty happy about my cake, and my opera writing.

And that marks the end of my long 3 hours of exam.

A group shot of Group C. After a long 3 months together, I've come to appreciate my classmates better, and realised that with them, Mew and myself actually pushed ourselves so much harder because this group is intensively progressive, fast and really in great form. 

Then, in the afternoon today, I went for the final demo class held by Chef Willy, who was to present his special chef' creation. 

We watched a DVD on all the talented pastry chefs from France, in French, and watched in awe the beautiful, marvellous creations they have done. I particularly fell in love with one of the revisite Paris Brest they have done, and am looking forward to baking that at home this time round.

While we were watching the documentary, Chef Willy and a few assistant was prepping the dessert plates for every single one of us. I was honoured and quite proud of that! I mean, Chef Willy wor! Plating desserts for us! Heehee!!

He presented to us, a lovely plated dessert consisting of tomato molecular biscuit, meringues, sugar flakes, raspberry pieces, which is separated using Nitrogen, streusel, dollop of sour cream, greek yogurt and a nice Raspberry-Beetroot sorbet. Which is a unique combination, but interesting!

We also have pieces of Fromage Yogurt Ice cream to taste, and it was heavenly! Subtle tastes, making me wish it was bigger than just a small mini pebble stone size.

Here, he was trying to create the 'fog' effect for us to take photos. 

But of course, there was a huge crowd around the table, and this is the best I could get from my angle. =)

After which, Chef announced the top 5 for the term, and all 5 was from my class!!! =)) I was super pleased for each and everyone of them, but was also slightly disappointed that I wasn't there as well. I had great hopes, but of course, I hope to do better next term! =)

Then, as with last term, we started taking photos.

Here's Jane, Mew & myself with Chef Willy. The chef that have some disillusions problem, thinking that he is a Muay Thai fighter on some days, and a Ninja on the next few days.

Mew and Jane. Sabeel, Mew and Myself. 

Intermediate Group C with Chef Aum, one of the most friendly Chefs ever in school =)

L-R Top row: Earn, Gerald, Mo, Chef Aum, Beatrice (1st for IP), Way.
L-R Bottom row: Sine (4th), Top (3rd), Neaw, Hazel, Mew, Myself, Thon, Prapone (5th) and A (2nd).

One more, with Chef Marc and Chef Willy.

Ending off this post with a picture of a candid shot!

Now that I'm already done with my Intermediate level, the next term is going to be so much harder. There will be sugar show pieces to work on, and the examinations is completely different from what it is now. I hope my limited hands on sessions in class will enable me to do well for the exams. That's all I ask for.

For now, I'm going to just take this short trip back home to fully recharge myself before I come back for Superior.  Until then, I hope to be able to update soon on what new bake goods I will be trying my hands on!

Till then!  =)

After the 28 practical.

Here I am, blogging in the late evening on the eve of my written examination.


What I should be doing right now, is to be studying my notes, cramming every information in for tomorrow's paper...but right now, I feel like I need to take some moments to revisit the memory lane where it all began.

I felt really upset today after finishing the most recent entreme; Casino, because I was fed up with Chef telling me that my slices for the biscuit was too thin (It was not!), fed up with my mousse for being insufficient to fill my entremet up. I was just irritated at the fact that the Chefs in my school probably finds that my group is the worst among every other group - late for presentations, more mistakes done by others which shouldn't even be happening after so many practicals.

I'm just sad and mad, and upset because sometimes, I am in the 'presenting late' catergory for some of the practicals. But I am even more upset with the fact that I'm being blamed for a supposed different outcome despite the fact that I've done everything accordingly to how demo was; I sit in the front of the class, I listened - if I missed out anything, I ask my friends (who've jotted down earlier). I don't ask the Chefs, because most of the times when I feel like I have a question, my mind processes the questions and offered common sense solutions.

I am not shy to say this, but sometimes, I feel that the mistakes people makes, often overshadow the good of others. 

I guess that's what riled me all up. I'm just all stressed up over what chefs thinks and all. I may not be the best, but I am here to study, to learn all the skills and improve. Through all my practicals, I'm very pleased that I actually can create beautiful entremet as well, with my non-existent skills in the beginning. I got to remind myself that I'm here because I love what I do now.

I don't know what the future will bring, but I have to let it be. Let things fall into places, and just put in my best efforts for the paper and the practical on Tuesday.

For now, besides studying, I have to trust and believe in myself more - trust that I can do it. Even my friends Sonya and Mew trust that I can do it, and needless to say, Ben trusts with all his heart that I can make it, why am I still torturing myself and stressing myself out??? =)

Blah, I feel much better after voicing out my thoughts.

Till then, good night.

Baby's trip & Anniversary Dinner.

Well. The title says it all!

Firstly, Ben and myself had so much to catch up on, we talked, we laughed, we giggled. It was just like old times, where I have him to myself at the end of a long day; snuggling up and falling asleep in his arms.

I secretly find that the best bit of marriage life - you get to kiss that face of the man you loved with all your heart goodnight, and then wakes up next to him. *getting all mushy*

Anyway! Ben was on a mission to find some pieces of basic clothing and planning on putting together a few looks/outfits, so we went to the usual JJ market, some night markets and because we both couldn't really take the heat...we played cheat and shop in the malls instead. *sheepish smile*

Moving on!

It was our 1st year anniversary last Sunday, and because we were apart...Ben decided to book us a belated dinner at one of the restaurant offering Bangkok's view of the city night lights for a special celebration.

He got us a table at Red Sky; apparently one of the world's best bar high up at Centara Grand, Bangkok.

 We took a cab from our place down to the Centara World and reached exactly at our reservation timing - 7.30pm. It wasn't easy to get to the place, partially because when we reached the lobby of the Centara Grand, there was absolutely no body at all, so we didn't know exactly how to get to the restaurant.

If I didn't remember wrongly, we had a to do a lift transfer at Floor 23, in order to get to the 57th floor.

This, was the 'arc' decor outside on the balcony. It changes colour every few minutes to blue, green, etc. There was a band playing on the platform in front of the arc. We didn't managed to take the views of the night sky because just minutes into settling down, and another 5 minutes taken to order our drinks, we felt waves after waves of strong wind.

Ben saw lightening far away in the sky, but near enough for us to be alarmed.

The staff was very seasoned to signs of the wind, I supposed...as they started to move us all in doors with settings set as per our orders even before we were in there. One of the wait staff casually mentioned that the rain will be reaching our location in mere minutes.

True enough, it started pouring like no body's business minutes later. Thank goodness we were already safe and dry indoors.

Just a solo shot of us both! I bought a new playsuit just for this occasion and Ben got a new top to 'match' me! Costs me 800baht, 60baht cheaper because the sales lady likes me enough to give me discount. =)

Look at Ben, beaming with joy because we're having dinner together after so long!

I ordered a passion fruit martini and Ben had a Fruity Sangria. He doesn't really drink, so he's ordering for the sake of ordering. Most of the time, I'll always be the one to finish up. HAHA! We had a bread basket served, and after 10-15 minutes, our first course was served up.

This, my friend, is the Lobster Risotto - half maine lobster with risotto and bisque, tomato and basil.

Beautiful starter; the risotto was cooked till al dente, and there was chunks of lobster meat. It was heavenly. It was my turn to get beaming with joy. Each mouthful was a solid good mix of the frothy bisque, tender lobster chunks and tasty morsels of risotto. Yummy!

Next, we shared a plate of half a dozen of Tsarskaya Oysters. Nothing as fabulous as the ones I had back at Phin's Steakhouse back home, but it was nonetheless satisfying.

Then, we ordered the Char grilled Rack of lamb and Wagyu MS4 Beef Tenderloin with Foie Gras, because I loved Foie Gras.

The rack of lamb is came with Jerusalem artichokes, shiitake mushrooms and perigold truffle sauce, it was a generous portion, and the lamb was tender. We had it with jelly mint sauce, and it was refreshing.

Then, the beef came with potato croquette, sauteed cep mushrooms in red wine sauce. And, with foie gras of course! Wagyu tenderloin; whatever expectations one can have of waygu standards, this lives up to it. The foie gras was nice, but nothing to rave about.

The Osia at Resort World Sentosa still serves one of the best foie gras around. =P

We also ordered sides like truffle flavoured mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus with pesto to share. The mashed potato was so creamy and delicious, it was like melting clouds in your mouth with every spoonful. The asparagus was a little too salty to our liking. No photos because, we were too busy enjoying the food and each other's company!

There's always, always room for desserts, people! We had the banana split to share. I like the caramelized bananas, which is a interesting touch to the old time favourite dessert.

Ta dah! A photo of the 'newlyweds' haha! Lame, we're married for a year now...and that means we've been together for a grand total of 5 years and counting! I'm so blessed, very, extremely blessed to have met Ben.

In life, sometimes, one can get lost...doing routine works, just going through life and not knowing what's really in store in life for themselves. I was working, I was aimless, I was just letting life pass me by. Till I allowed Ben to show me another side of the world I've never really experienced before. He showed me that happiness is within reach and he makes me a better person. A much, much better person.

I always thanked my lucky stars that by fate, I picked up that call, I talked to him and we became friends after that.

"I love you, more than these three words could ever mean" - Ben.

Ben got me a surprise gift from Taiwan! A YSL Belle Du Jour zip wallet; because I said I would like to change my current Kate Spade Wallet. I'm always pampered in the ways I love being pampered. Some people fancy holidays as being pampered, some fancies jewellery, I like branded bags and cuddles and kisses.

But before every branded purchase, I do tons of research, on the material, the reviews, the look, the feel of each and every piece. I love every single piece I have so far, like how men reviews their digital gadgets before purchasing one from this particular brand. Likewise, this YSL wallet wasn't something that was on my list, but I am extremely touched by Ben's gesture; he hardly surprises me, so this really takes the cake (besides the proposal) heehee!



My first year of marriage, meant to me, a lot of adjustments.

I adjusted in being part of baby's family, breaking down my time into different segments; for my mum, my dad, my brothers, my in laws, my friends and of course, for Ben. Somehow, I had more free time to meet friends and all, because no matter how late our gatherings may end, I get to go back to Ben. I think his friends probably felt the same way, he gets a lot of time on his hands to play basketball with friends and really enjoy the company. 

Not that we didn't have time for friends in the past, but it was like we made a choice to spend every time we have together, instead of hanging out till extremely late with friends.

I also spend alot of time with my family members to assure them that we are a big family now, and I'm not going to be 'stolen' by Ben. Also, we spent time with my new family, my mummy J and daddy Teh, with their friends for dinner. I love spending time with everyone who meant the world to me. I also spent a lot of time baking. (Of course, how can I miss this!)

Marriage strengthen my relationship with Ben, because it sort of cemented the fact that we are now a family; to our future kids...we are their mum and dad, a family unit. It's amazing, really, to come and think about that. 

I do have friends who's astonished by the fact that I jumped into marriage at a age where life just began, and how sure I am that Ben is the right one for me - I just know. There's only two types of guy in this world - Ben, and the rest of the other guys.

That's where I knew that I'm ready.

P.S

So, cheers to many, many more wonderful years of marriage, baby.
I'm extremely blessed and excited and happy that we're together, married and happy!
I love you to the stars and moons and back.

Your wifey. 

Lettre D'amour - on wedding anniversary.

"Will you still love me, when I'm no longer young & beautiful? Will you still love me, when I've got nothing but my aching soul?"

"I know you will, I know that you will." 

Mid May, lovely Saturday morning, we said our vows and got married.

I lie in bed on some nights, looking at you while you're sound asleep and just tracing the outlines of your charming face, and I would feel overwhelmed by the emotions running through my soul. I love you so much, and I just want to make you happy.

I'll always feel so thankful that we're together and that I have you. The foundation we've built together is so strong, that even when we're miles apart, we don't feel apart.

Thank you for being you and being so strong for me, baby. You allowed me to pursue my interests, even at the expense of time spent apart. You've been nothing short of being supportive, and you just want me to be happy. I know that come what may, you'll have my back and I'm the same for you, baby. I love you so much more than words can ever mean. You're my sun and you made me shine so much more brighter than a diamond.

Happy 1st wedding anniversary, my love; here's to many, many more!

Love,
Wifey

Being grateful & thankful

There's thousand and one things I have to be thankful and grateful for. And I would like to share just one each today.

Picture taken from Man, Wife & Dog

Firstly, I'm grateful to my Mummy J & Daddy Teh for giving me the chance to pursue my dreams. Without their understanding and support, I wouldn't have the chance to be here, because I am, after all...a newly wed - Ben has got to be the best supportive hubby ever for allowing his wife to study abroad less than a year since they've gotten married. *Huge grin*

Secondly, I'm thankful for the chance to meet friends from outside of Singapore, and they have shown me just how big this world is. Learning more about their way of life, cultures and no matter how corrupted their countries is, they still have much love and appreciate the beauty and rich history in that very same countries.

When I think about how all of us managed to bond, I'm touched and my heart did a little fluttery dance - because we all came from different places, united by one love for baking and, eating. HAHA!

Till then!